Because I Wanted To

"I've got to stop telling people I'm a writer," the former writer said, hating that the comma is supposed to go before the end of the double quote. It seems more appropriate after the quote.

I took down the Daily Bessemer in 2007 due to some production issues. I wanted to switch it to the Mac and make its management a little more mainstream. It is so web version 0.0 to have a home-grown navigation system, with no comments area where my different groups of friends could insult each other. That was leaving money on the table.

It was scarcely an HTML bang, the framework of the old Daily Bessemer. I tried to upgrade, but to quote the writers of the Simpsons (as spoken through the animation Bart, regarding the subject of playing guitar) "Dad, to tell you the truth, I tried it, and it was hard, and I didn't try it much longer before I just gave up."

Yes, I'm a Computer Science dude (capital letters, bub; we ain't civil engineers), but I'm a specialist. Yeah, that's it.

The Bessemer ceased for another reason. I started having trouble writing, because I was fixated on that single-vector malo piece of shit Dick Cheney.

They have this thing every year in Boulder, the Conference of World Affairs, a three-day panel-o-rama on subjects of intellect and art and ideas and issues. A symposium of the interested. The other end of the spectrum from gun shows.

I went to an hour-long presentation featuring a panel of 4 people in the journalism industry. The subject was Gerald Ford's pardon of Nixon for Nixon's dictatorial criminal acts. I was shocked to hear the credentialed panel say it was such a good thing, and it helped us move on as a nation, "heal the rifts created by Vietnam". Within families, the young hippy sons wouldn't talk to their staunch, retarded, pre-tea-bagger dads because of the generational difference of views about the Vietnam war.

The conference took place right at the time I. Lewis Libby (Scooter Libby) was being prosecuted by Larry Fitzgerald. Libby exposed a covert CIA agent as retribution for her husband speaking truth to government. If you are unfamiliar with this recent U.S. history and I have to lay it out more than that, do some research and come back to the article.

The panel unanimously lauded the blessidity of Gerald Ford's pardon. One guy, a long-time writer for Sports Illustrated, pulled a Hunter Thompson quote about Nixon from his wallet and read the quote. Have you ever met guys who do that? Pull memorable quotes out of their wallet? I'm struck by the idiocy of the practice. You can't remember the quotes you find most memorable? Thrall me with your acumen, Mr. Read-Quote-From-Scrap.

The panel's take on Ford raised my hackles; they were wearing rose-colored glasses. I rang in from the audience. "The pardon of Nixon simply set the stage for what's going to happen to Libby. He's not going to jail. I predict Libby will be pardoned."

The journalist-biz panel acted shocked, like I was being a demagogue. They pooh-poohed that stance, then harumphed again about healing the rift. I can't believe that things like pooh-pooh and harumph are part of our dialect, but they are. Do you realize that things like "achoo" are pronounced differently in the rest of the world when people sneeze? That is insanely fascinating. Women express themselves differently during the libidinous acts, depending on the country where the movie was made, or whence the models moved to Los Angeles.

I'm wondering how salaciously I should express myself here. Here on the Big Web. Obviously I'm not going full-valve-open in saying "libidinous acts" and the like. For the first post, I'll stay clean. Reading backward, I think "shit" is the only scat word in the article so far. Writing this way feels like I'm still at work, prettying up and gaying up everything. OMG LOL. There. I've modernized my shizzit.

You can't even refer to something as "gay" anymore, like a plant or an idea, something that is clearly not homosexual. If you screw a male plant, does that make you gay? We know about the term bestiality. What do you call sex with a plant, foliagio?

In America, the coitus-receive sound is "oh oh oh oh". In Brazil, "Ai ai ai ai ai ai ai ai". They enjoy it more. In Western Hemisphere Spanish-speaking countries it is "Oi Oi Oi Oi Oi".

This knowledge is at once fascinating and titillating, informational and libidinous.

I left the feel-good, intellectual hand-job, glory-hole Nixon-pardon session feeling angry. Were these journalism industry people dupes, simply desperate dead-end-career capitalists, what? I self-tested my bona fides: "You, sir, are a self publisher. By dint of what, sir, are your opinions of value?" No answer. Time would tell.

I had a leaking suspicion that my opinion was sound, was prophecy. I wrote an article about it, Cheney cutting his teeth in Ford's cabinet, seeing Nixon pardoned, realizing the American political system would never prosecute their leaders, never roll those fuckers up in a carpet and dump them in a river. What did Cheney have to fear in putting David Addington and Scooter Libby on point, pulling a Washington-insider career hit on Joseph Wilson's wife? None. They could always pardon them.

Missed it by a technicality. Libby was convicted, but not pardoned. His sentence was commuted. I thing that's the right term. I'm trying to say "richboy-goaway-ed", the magic cure of many a moneyed white man. Somehow Libby was to suffer no rehabilitation time, as is regular for those convicted of a crime.

When I wrote the article, the Daily Bessemer was effectively at an end. It never hit the web site. The article just froze me. I had reached a place where I was ahead of myself, too involved in writing. Consumed by it. If you aren't in the business of journalism, such obsession is a bad thing.

I'm sorta revived. Maybe it's time to talk again; three years is enough, and forgiveness is a part of moving on. Forgiveness for what, you ask. Mostly that thing with the goat, okay? It's not like the goat agreed to it or anything. Even if it did (Blaaah!!! Blaaahhh!!! means yes, right?), the goat was well under the age of consent. That goat was at most 4 years old, and a billy to boot.

Does it make you gay if you soil a male animal? Just wondering.

Quimulus the Devout