Hammer on the Right One

"Hammer on the right one until you hammer on the left one."

Seemingly this is the motto for driving these days. Gas is cheap again, but oil is at $80 a barrel. Nothing says collusion like pump price being the same whether oil is $35 a barrel or $80.

$5/gallon gas would be the best thing this country could have. Vehicle sizes would shrink towards the average vehicle size in the rest of the world - tiny.

Gasoline engines are about 20% efficient. That means 4/5ths of the gas in your tank is wasted every moment the engine is running. It's not wasted - it's turned into heat, which we definitely need more of here in mid-July.

One solution to burning less fuel comes with our handy bipedalism. That means we can push 2 pedals. Our neighborhood sits on a long, straight road with a nice shoulder, and dozens of bikes go by every hour.

A few weeks back I was watching Book TV on C-SPAN2, and this ultra intellectual, ivory-tower hippy referred to riding to work on his bi-cycle, having done so for 30 years.

He prounced it Bi Cycle, like you would if "cycle" was alone. It got me to thinking. The word unicycle is pronounced with the long y, if you will. Bicycle is regularly pronounced like Bi Sickle. So is tricycle. I think the ivory tower liberal had something.

I always thought it was a great compliment, someone calling me an ivory tower liberal. Then I found out the ivory tower referenced ornate buildings at fine institutions of higher learning. I had always thought they were talking about my schwantz.

We're into vocabulary week. I continue to hear people refer to this year as "Oh ten". As in 0-10. Sorry, Charlies. It's "Oh nine", but this year is ten. I know this because the original Dan Page used to refer to '14 and '10 as fourteen and ten. This was all worked out last century, and I guess we've collectively forgotten.

We spent the whole first decade of the 21st century without having anything to call the decade. I'd prefer the "naughts" or "aughts", but those words are also anachronisms, except for old reliable, the thirty aught-six rifle.

The first decade, we should call it "The Eggs". As in, "Remember the TV shows we watched in The Eggs? Who could believe anyone watched 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?' It was like kiddie Jeopardy on quaaludes. Yes, asshole, that is my final answer."

Can we now start referring to Tiger Woods in the singular? It seems appropriate. He is a very horny guy. Then again, who isn't? I don't blame Eldrick. If pussy was flowing to me so regularly that I was a veritable pussy lake, I wouldn't be running a sump pump.

Gimme one more. In school, there are 5 grades you can receive. A, B, C, D, and uh, F? What happened to E? Is that like buildings that don't have a 13th floor?